Having Good Intentions is not Enough

This post was originally published on February 4, 2021, on Instagram as part of Her Growth Collective.

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I had a hard time deciding what to write tonight. I don’t want to be someone who contributes to the noise. You already know that intentions are best put into practice and that intentional living leads to your best life. I don’t have anything new to say here.

So instead I’m going to share something I’ve been mulling over for most of the last year:

Morally speaking, having good intentions, isn’t enough to absolve us from responsibility. (I’m not attempting to broach the subject of legal responsibility here.)

As I’ve reflected on the anti-mask movement, the anti-BLM movement, the anti-immigration movement and so many others, I have been genuinely perplexed by how many largely good people continue to lend credence to these ideas.

My current theory is rooted in my conservative Evangelical Christian upbringing. Growing up in the Church there was a LOT of emphasis placed on purity of thought. Evangelical Christians believe that we are all sinners and need forgiveness, but God will judge our heart and thoughts most severely.

Therefore, if our intentions are good, the actions themselves mean far less. Suffering is simply part of the human experience.

Today, I’m more of a wandering Christian. I haven’t left my beliefs behind, but I have learned to question the culture and environment around them.

I now believe that this hyper-focus on intentions can lead to a Pollyannish view of the world. It is possible to focus SO MUCH on our good intentions that we ignore the very direct and indirect harm we cause to those around us.

Over the years, I came to understand that when we get defensive and insist that we meant well, what we are really saying is that my good intentions mean MORE than your pain and suffering.

This is what I now hear when someone says, “But I’m not racist.”

When we worship at the alter of good intentions, we are nursing our ego at the expense of our own growth. We continue to inflict harm on others and now we are harming ourselves too.

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The initial act may have come from a place of good intention, but when someone tells us that we harmed them and we decide not to listen, then we forfeit the right to say, “But I meant well” next time.

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This post is written in partnership with #HerGrowthCollective, encouraging women to walk the path of self-development together.